"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."-Galatians 6:7
There comes a time when a playboy reaches a crossroads in his life. He is forced to take an in-depth look at his existence and decide what path he will pursue. Today, we will venture into the aftermath of the playboy who has consciously decided to tame his promiscuous nature after years and even decades of womanizing.
The playboy has finally decided that it is time settle down. The chase and pursuit of random women no longer interest him; the late night club and bar scene lacks the luster that it once had; and the bed squeaking flings only bring an escalating risk of drama. The playboy undergoes a psychological metamorphosis in which he thinks carefully about the repercussions of his behavior. This thinking includes the elevated risk associated with promiscuity. The older he becomes, the more baggage his rendezvous bring. Now that the playboy wants to do what's right, there's only one thing that holds him back. His past.
Although the playboy should be commended for his maturity and his willingness to change, his past cannot be easily forgotten. Every playboy leaves behind a trail of broken hearts, lies, deceit, pain, and shame. The truth of the matter is that no playboy departs his former existence without his creating his own designer baggage. Some find themselves with children to show for the fruits of their "labor", some are riddled with disease; some lose self-respect, some regret the certain women they have slept with and lastly, some sacrifice the true love of a former relationship. As sure as the sun will rise and set today, the playboy has to reap what he has sown.
His punishment may present itself in many forms depending upon the nature of his relationships.
The playboy already in an existing relationship. This person will find it hard to reestablish trust again. Although he may still have a significant other, his past actions will haunt him for the duration of the relationship. He no longer can casually hang out with his friends without arousing suspicion. He is questioned when he comes home later than expected from work. He can expect constant monitoring via the tracking devices we all have called cell phones. He becomes increasingly frustrated and may seek a fresh start. The sad reality is that he created the monster he now deals with.
The playboy that seeks to get back with an ex-girlfriend. His situation is perplexing. After the rebirth of his dignity, many playboys with a conscious seek to redeem himself in the eyes of the people he has hurt. This may be in the form reconciling with a loved one he once betrayed. He does this because apart of him seeks the validating quality of redemption. Instead of moving on, his mind often wonders back to the meaningful relationship(s) he once had. He cares little about the females he only used to satisfy his lust and fulfill his machismo driven nature. His soul is tormented at the thought of actually hurting someone who cared about him regardless of his stature, position of power, and worldly possessions.
The playboy is crushed if he cannot win back the love and affection of his ex. He will go to great lengths to show how he has reformed and shouldn't be defined by his past. He is hurt when if he discovers his ex is no longer interested in him. He will become enraged at the thought of losing her to another man. There isn't necessarily any ill will towards the new man, but just his frustration with himself over his infidelities. Some retired playboys are fortunate enough to get a second chance. If he does, his experiences may be similar to those of the previous example.
The playboy that nobody believes has changed. When a playboy announces to the people that know him best that is shedding his former existence as a playboy to take on the characteristics of an ebony man, he is not taken seriously. Others who have knowledge of his sexual exploits will laugh and encourage him to not even try. They question his discipline and his rationale. They won't even believe in him when they witness the change in his actions. They will say that he is on a "temporary hiatus and soon to return." He can only cleanse his reputation after demonstrating monogamy, discipline, and dedication in the confines of a relationship for an extended period of years. Any determined man, will use the words of the non-believers as motivation.
His past will also have ramifications on future relationships with women that have no knowledge of his playboy existence. His is tormented by the possibility of his past ruining his chances with his new lady. He thinks of what will happen if a disgruntled ex fling pops up raises hell. He also is less than forthcoming about his past and will conveniently omit the most scandalous details of his former life.
Conclusion. The reality of the matter is that the playboy will have to give an account for his actions. Many will struggle with the transition but will eventually adjust and go on to establish substantive marriages and relationships. He won't look back on the years of his youth with to much regret as time elapses. He will view those experiences as lessons learned that were a valuable part of his maturation as a man. Many ex-playboys outgrow that existence and go on to raise families and provide excellent examples for the children to follow. But in the back of their mind, they know that their existence as an Ebony Man is intertwined and rooted in their lessons learned as a Playboy.
There comes a time when a playboy reaches a crossroads in his life. He is forced to take an in-depth look at his existence and decide what path he will pursue. Today, we will venture into the aftermath of the playboy who has consciously decided to tame his promiscuous nature after years and even decades of womanizing.
The playboy has finally decided that it is time settle down. The chase and pursuit of random women no longer interest him; the late night club and bar scene lacks the luster that it once had; and the bed squeaking flings only bring an escalating risk of drama. The playboy undergoes a psychological metamorphosis in which he thinks carefully about the repercussions of his behavior. This thinking includes the elevated risk associated with promiscuity. The older he becomes, the more baggage his rendezvous bring. Now that the playboy wants to do what's right, there's only one thing that holds him back. His past.
Although the playboy should be commended for his maturity and his willingness to change, his past cannot be easily forgotten. Every playboy leaves behind a trail of broken hearts, lies, deceit, pain, and shame. The truth of the matter is that no playboy departs his former existence without his creating his own designer baggage. Some find themselves with children to show for the fruits of their "labor", some are riddled with disease; some lose self-respect, some regret the certain women they have slept with and lastly, some sacrifice the true love of a former relationship. As sure as the sun will rise and set today, the playboy has to reap what he has sown.
His punishment may present itself in many forms depending upon the nature of his relationships.
The playboy already in an existing relationship. This person will find it hard to reestablish trust again. Although he may still have a significant other, his past actions will haunt him for the duration of the relationship. He no longer can casually hang out with his friends without arousing suspicion. He is questioned when he comes home later than expected from work. He can expect constant monitoring via the tracking devices we all have called cell phones. He becomes increasingly frustrated and may seek a fresh start. The sad reality is that he created the monster he now deals with.
The playboy that seeks to get back with an ex-girlfriend. His situation is perplexing. After the rebirth of his dignity, many playboys with a conscious seek to redeem himself in the eyes of the people he has hurt. This may be in the form reconciling with a loved one he once betrayed. He does this because apart of him seeks the validating quality of redemption. Instead of moving on, his mind often wonders back to the meaningful relationship(s) he once had. He cares little about the females he only used to satisfy his lust and fulfill his machismo driven nature. His soul is tormented at the thought of actually hurting someone who cared about him regardless of his stature, position of power, and worldly possessions.
The playboy is crushed if he cannot win back the love and affection of his ex. He will go to great lengths to show how he has reformed and shouldn't be defined by his past. He is hurt when if he discovers his ex is no longer interested in him. He will become enraged at the thought of losing her to another man. There isn't necessarily any ill will towards the new man, but just his frustration with himself over his infidelities. Some retired playboys are fortunate enough to get a second chance. If he does, his experiences may be similar to those of the previous example.
The playboy that nobody believes has changed. When a playboy announces to the people that know him best that is shedding his former existence as a playboy to take on the characteristics of an ebony man, he is not taken seriously. Others who have knowledge of his sexual exploits will laugh and encourage him to not even try. They question his discipline and his rationale. They won't even believe in him when they witness the change in his actions. They will say that he is on a "temporary hiatus and soon to return." He can only cleanse his reputation after demonstrating monogamy, discipline, and dedication in the confines of a relationship for an extended period of years. Any determined man, will use the words of the non-believers as motivation.
His past will also have ramifications on future relationships with women that have no knowledge of his playboy existence. His is tormented by the possibility of his past ruining his chances with his new lady. He thinks of what will happen if a disgruntled ex fling pops up raises hell. He also is less than forthcoming about his past and will conveniently omit the most scandalous details of his former life.
Conclusion. The reality of the matter is that the playboy will have to give an account for his actions. Many will struggle with the transition but will eventually adjust and go on to establish substantive marriages and relationships. He won't look back on the years of his youth with to much regret as time elapses. He will view those experiences as lessons learned that were a valuable part of his maturation as a man. Many ex-playboys outgrow that existence and go on to raise families and provide excellent examples for the children to follow. But in the back of their mind, they know that their existence as an Ebony Man is intertwined and rooted in their lessons learned as a Playboy.
Like I said... the monologue is very accurate. It inspired my friends and I to a good discussion based on the theories the article produced and our own personal experiences. Naturally, the one's who had the most experience at being "playboys" had the most insightful things to say. Surprisingly, most of the things said were not per se in support of the "playboy" lifestyle, but was geared to maturation and knowing thyself. Here are the most relevant parts of the discussion. Obviously it will be editted and real names will not be used.
Friend - The "former" "playboy" friend trying to grow:
Although somewhat long winded, the above sentiment is both well written and seemingly genuine. I believe that this notion of a self motivated maturation markes a transitional point in the life of any man cognizant of the patterns of his experiences and interactions with others. Yes, the past of a "Playboy" will undoubtedly have ramifications on future relationships with women, but it is also this past which we can not excape that becomes a platform for competencies of adaptation and application of realizations. The first step is acknowledgement and accountability, the second is desire for growth/change. We must remember that people do not change other people, an individual will only change when he or she reaches a point of relevant self fullfillment, selflessness, or recognition of a greater cause.
Friend - Professor X:
"A man cannot live off bread alone...."
As each of us reads this passage we all understand the importance of developing our third eye. The journey one takes in knowing thyself is exhausting and complicated. As I can see alot of myself in that man's reflection I can also see alot of you bruva's as well, hence our connection. As refreshing as it is to be disillusioned by the realities we create in our mind, I'm afraid to say in my case that it is only brief to maintain truth to thyself without the lust of my nature creeping back in. Being aware of this is all the more hazardous because I navigate committing pre-meditated organized confusion. I do not need open bars cuff lings or european scented fragrances to commit my ha nous acts. I do not even need the realization one obtains from living a lonely life as a bachelor. And through my selfishness the only light at the end of the tunnel is an ideal I have that one day this super fly woman will show up and make it all worth it. She will possess the tools and wisdom that will align our harmony.
But as most men of my generation who only have grandma's relationship to appreciate and the formidable knowledge and wit to conveniently address these matters when we feel like it kinda know there is no defense against our offense. No career that can satisfy our interest, and no tangible possession to maintain our happiness and satisfaction.
Nonetheless this aint the ricky lake show. I ain't gonna lie and say ima start love over, but I am trying to change the way in which I navigate. Lets not try to worry so much about our destination that we miss out on the lessons in our journey. Man is made for woman and we are only meant to understand our nature. We cannot understand that which we have not created good bruvas. But yawl know I be on my black power tip which is why i'll prolly end up with a white gurl and some dreads talking bout institutionalized racism and placism.
As each of us reads this passage we all understand the importance of developing our third eye. The journey one takes in knowing thyself is exhausting and complicated. As I can see alot of myself in that man's reflection I can also see alot of you bruva's as well, hence our connection. As refreshing as it is to be disillusioned by the realities we create in our mind, I'm afraid to say in my case that it is only brief to maintain truth to thyself without the lust of my nature creeping back in. Being aware of this is all the more hazardous because I navigate committing pre-meditated organized confusion. I do not need open bars cuff lings or european scented fragrances to commit my ha nous acts. I do not even need the realization one obtains from living a lonely life as a bachelor. And through my selfishness the only light at the end of the tunnel is an ideal I have that one day this super fly woman will show up and make it all worth it. She will possess the tools and wisdom that will align our harmony.
But as most men of my generation who only have grandma's relationship to appreciate and the formidable knowledge and wit to conveniently address these matters when we feel like it kinda know there is no defense against our offense. No career that can satisfy our interest, and no tangible possession to maintain our happiness and satisfaction.
Nonetheless this aint the ricky lake show. I ain't gonna lie and say ima start love over, but I am trying to change the way in which I navigate. Lets not try to worry so much about our destination that we miss out on the lessons in our journey. Man is made for woman and we are only meant to understand our nature. We cannot understand that which we have not created good bruvas. But yawl know I be on my black power tip which is why i'll prolly end up with a white gurl and some dreads talking bout institutionalized racism and placism.
Matt Murdock - yours truly:
In my eyes there are two theories that will plague us in the area of love: 1) the "Agricultural" Effect; and 2) the "Butterfly" Effect. I am a member of the "Butterfly" Effect so let me elaborate. To quote a female friend of mine in lawschool (from California, that's why she can say it and still be so cool), "If I don't want to rip your clothes off after the initial meeting, what's the point?" The "Butterfly" effect is premised of this "initial" notion. If a female does not give you butterflies, what is the point? In a world where black males like ourselves are the most dangerous and sought after forces in the world today, my ego hinders me from becoming involved with, attached to, serious with anyone that doesn't give me butterflies. An ex-mate of mine asked me last week what do I look for in a woman now given where I am currently in life. Naturally your answer should be the sign "<=" greater than or equal to. I will not get caught up in someone who wants me for my money, i will not get caught up in someone who cannot keep up intellectually, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and the like. I am a believer in, you know who you want and you know what you want them for, thus the "Butterfly" effect. Girls who do not give off this effect are treated any sort of way because you know there is no future and it is something you are doing for the time being. The "Butterfly" effect, however will have you doing things uncharacteristic. You actually pick up the phone to call her the day after you meet her, but hesitate because you do not want to come over creepy. All your crude humor is put to the side because you are unaware as to how it will be perceived. You put your best foot forward showing all your prior transgressions that you did know how to act, you did know how to treat a lady, but you just didn't do it for them. Now the "Butterfly" effect is not simply physical appearance, but everything. It means something different to everyone. For Professor X it can be a combination of many things with intellect, conversation, wit, and articulation being at the forefront. Whatever the case may be, the "Butterfly" effect has it's negatives but for the sake of time, I won't get into them because they should be obvious given the next theory.
Next, the "Agricultural" Effect. This theory is evidenced in 90% of women, but men put their own spin on it. As the name suggests, it is the cultivation of a relationship, love, etc. 9.9/10 we will not get that "Butterfly" feeling upon meeting someone. Because of this lack of feeling, some devalue the other and she is placed in a room with a glass ceiling that is not to far above her head. Others, who may be more mature and have the right idea, take something that is of interest and see what becomes of it. They pick a seed out of a barrel of a million different ones, not knowing what kind of seed it is, and plant it waiting to see what plant grows. Thus, the game of chance begins. But what is chance? Chance is a risk involving danger. What is the risk? The risk is that the seed we plant may turn out to be a thorn bush. What is the danger? The danger is of course the thorn bush, but also WASTED TIME. Wasted time on cultivating a thorn bush when there were a million other seeds that could have been planted. Much like relationships that go for two years and then dissolve. I am told that these kinds of relationships help you in the future, you learn from it and grow, etc etc, thus it is not a waste of time but something like training for the better. While this may be true, it doesn't appeal to me. Sure I like to bet money on football games but time may be the most valuable resource we as individuals have. I have only 60 seconds after all. But wait, sometimes, risk turns into REWARD. We all know what reward is. But that is something that I refrain from discussing in my view, it is complicated. I am beginning to get tired of typing so I will conclude my thoughts. In the end, we all wish for the "Butterfly" effect but most times only have the choice of the "Agricultural" effect.
Tony Stark - Team Member:
Most of you know my personal achievements and experiences I've had from living the playboy lifestyle, yet ALL of you know my progression and perserverance thru the lowest of my low. With that being said, the playboy lifestyle is unfortunately glorified by society, (Pre-Obama). But for an Ebony Man who seeks substantial stability in life, he may often battle with himself because of his lifestyle. While analyzing the "Playboy Sentiment" above, it was impossible for me to personally deny the truths expressed. While reading I felt as if I were looking over a lake on a sunny day and seeing the unstable image of myself. For lack of a better word: Its extremely accurate.
A conscious playboy consistently battles with his lifestyle. This is because he consistently chooses the short-lived pleasurable experiences and temporarily closes his eyes on endeavours that may POSSIBLY have greater meaning in the future. Yet as stated above, if this playboy is conscious, he knows his days are numbered. And as stated above, the change must come from within. No experience, no person, and definitely no woman can change the way he thinks and operates. Instead it must be a combination of life lessons, experiences, and his willingness to want to better himself. Combination is the key.
Like Matt Murdock, I have decided to steer away from any precious ladies who do not give me butterflies. Some may call it my ego, I call it knowing my self-worth as a rare yet dangerous human being in America. The Educated Black Man. We are the cream of the crop. Loving ourselves is what makes us operate with dedication in our daily lives. I do not believe loving ourselves will stop us from loving her (whenever she comes). I believe it will make it easier for us to embrace her, appreciate her and be what she wants and needs. This is in part, life as Murdock stated, we SHOULD know what we want and at the very least know what we don't want (White Woman).
Whether it be chance, circumstance or risk, the Agriculture Effect wil only be lived by a playboy if he chooses to. I would say 9 out of 10 times, he is looking for the Butterfly Effect. However, if he's blessed enough to remember the lessons from his life experiences, the Butterfly Effect will slap him across the face like Rick James wearing the Unity Ring. I believe this blessing will come effectively, effeciently and most of all swiftly if the playboy incorporates change into his lifestyle. Although he will continue to battle his alter ego's his end product (Kids, Career, Happiness, Success) should confirm every experience, whether good or bad, was well worth it.
As thinking men, which we are (Professor X), let's put more thought into our actions, decisions and words. If we could mentally hang our life goals infront of our eyes before we act, our reactions will be less and our proactions will be great in number. That should also make the battle of Living Everyday As If It's Your Last, less painful.
A conscious playboy consistently battles with his lifestyle. This is because he consistently chooses the short-lived pleasurable experiences and temporarily closes his eyes on endeavours that may POSSIBLY have greater meaning in the future. Yet as stated above, if this playboy is conscious, he knows his days are numbered. And as stated above, the change must come from within. No experience, no person, and definitely no woman can change the way he thinks and operates. Instead it must be a combination of life lessons, experiences, and his willingness to want to better himself. Combination is the key.
Like Matt Murdock, I have decided to steer away from any precious ladies who do not give me butterflies. Some may call it my ego, I call it knowing my self-worth as a rare yet dangerous human being in America. The Educated Black Man. We are the cream of the crop. Loving ourselves is what makes us operate with dedication in our daily lives. I do not believe loving ourselves will stop us from loving her (whenever she comes). I believe it will make it easier for us to embrace her, appreciate her and be what she wants and needs. This is in part, life as Murdock stated, we SHOULD know what we want and at the very least know what we don't want (White Woman).
Whether it be chance, circumstance or risk, the Agriculture Effect wil only be lived by a playboy if he chooses to. I would say 9 out of 10 times, he is looking for the Butterfly Effect. However, if he's blessed enough to remember the lessons from his life experiences, the Butterfly Effect will slap him across the face like Rick James wearing the Unity Ring. I believe this blessing will come effectively, effeciently and most of all swiftly if the playboy incorporates change into his lifestyle. Although he will continue to battle his alter ego's his end product (Kids, Career, Happiness, Success) should confirm every experience, whether good or bad, was well worth it.
As thinking men, which we are (Professor X), let's put more thought into our actions, decisions and words. If we could mentally hang our life goals infront of our eyes before we act, our reactions will be less and our proactions will be great in number. That should also make the battle of Living Everyday As If It's Your Last, less painful.
With that I invite comments from the public forum.
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